Archive for the ‘Health’ Category

[Scene: This morning in the parking lot of my doctor’s office.]

ME: Another tumor*? Come on, this is getting ridiculous. And surgery is so annoying and expensive.

MY BODY: Well, if we stopped consuming caffeine, it wouldn’t be like this.

ME: Tea and chocolate have caffeine, don’t they?

MY BODY: Yes, they do.

ME: Okay, fine we’ll do the surgery.


*Fibroadenoma. Very common and almost for sure completely benign. Ultrasound and mammogram are scheduled for next week. We might just go straight to excision this time around. One less bill to pay. Blergh.


And She’s Back!

Posted: December 26, 2011 in Health, Holidays
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Wow, Christmas is already done! There was so much to do, and I can’t believe it’s all over! I for one am pleased with how my Christmas turned out. My family bought me a Wii and the new Zelda game! Of course, these two new additions to the Pipsqueak family may be counterproductive to my goal of writing and blogging most days. Hm, I’ll have to work on that.

Oh, and do you remember the whole Day One thing? Yeah, that was a complete failure! I can’t say it was completely unexpected, though. I’m back where I started, but at least I’m not any fluffier than I was. I did manage to finally do real push ups, which means I no longer have to hang my head in shame. I don’t believe in New Year resolutions, but I know I’ll continue to work toward my goal weight. At least this time I won’t have Thanksgiving and Christmas coming right around the corner!

I hope your holidays have been and will continue to be filled with happiness and love! See you soon!

Breakthroughs Abound

Posted: November 20, 2011 in Health, Writing
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It’s a red-letter day, slackers! I have destroyed all personal records for longest time sticking to an exercise plan (three days). That doesn’t count, of course, the high school years when The Man tried to force me to be healthy with one semester (total) of Phys Ed. You have to admit requiring only one semester of P.E. is a pretty weak attempt at creating life-long healthy people. So, like Freud blamed his mother for his problems, I’ll blame Arizona’s education system for my extra fluff—of which I’m down two, almost three, pounds!

It’s also a red-letter day because it marks a significant improvement in my writing productivity. In the past two weeks, I’ve ground out forty pages of writing, not including blog posts. And those forty pages didn’t just come from a passing spasm of inspiration; they came from deliberately writing two pages every weeknight and ten pages every weekend. Statistically, it takes thirteen iterations to create a habit. Two weeks’ worth of daily writing means I’ve deliberately established it as a habit. It’s only a matter of time now, New York City. You’d better be ready for what the Pipsqueak’s bringin’!

You may be thinking that I’m using “breakthrough” bit prematurely. I know it’s only been two weeks of writing and one week of exercising. I know I’m still a long way from my writing and health goals. And, I know there are still months of editing after the months of writing are done and a lifetime of improvement and upkeep after I reach my weight and strength goals. But, hey, celebrate small successes, right?

So, here’s a safety tip. Don’t run at night on a street with tall hedges. And that goes for both men and women. Your level of testosterone isn’t going to save you when some Dexter wannabe jumps at you with a syringe full of horse tranquilizer meant for pumping into your bloodstream.

In case you’re wondering, I am in fact the dummy who thought, Meh, it’s a safe neighborhood. Who cares if it’s a little dark? Then I started to get tired and realized I probably wouldn’t be able to get away if I came across some psycho—and psychos are everywhere, people. Adrenaline only gets you so far, which may or may not be far enough.

I’m not going to be a dummy again. If I get home too late, I’m not running.

Today was Day 1 of my mission to get healthy and in shape. You may be asking, “But, Pipsqueak, Thanksgiving is in less than two weeks. After that is a whole month of holiday parties and socially acceptable bingeing. What reason could you possibly have for choosing now to start healthy habits?” Answer: “Clearly, I’m a masochist.”

Really, it shouldn’t take much to whip this cuerpo into shape. I’m 5’2″ and I weigh all of a buck 27. That puts my body mass index at a high-normal 23.2. But I don’t have a great deal of muscle mass, so all this extra fluff is just mucking up the works little by little, year by year. My diet’s not too bad—lied the lady in denial—so the problem is mostly getting enough exercise. Unfortunately, copyediting doesn’t demand a lot of movement and neither does writing in my personal time. My metabolism has been a good friend all these years, but now I’m going to have to make more of an effort. I should be able to eat whatever I want (within reason, of course) as long as I’m making sure to burn it off.

As for the timing, meh. There’s alway a reason not to start now. Birthdays, minor holidays, weekends, you name it. It’s time when you say it’s time. For me, it’s now.

So here’s the plan: I’m incorporating an hour of exercise into my daily writing schedule. Doing this will help me in two ways. It’ll put enough space between me and my workday to recharge my batteries, and it’ll facilitate establishing a new habit by making it part of an already existing one. Clever, eh?

Today, I did half an hour of intervals (that’s what you call running for five minutes and then walking off the cramps, right?) and half an hour of calisthenics. For the first time in my life, I had to do push-ups on my knees. That’s no bueno, folks! In addition to the goal of losing nine pounds over the course of the next five weeks, I’m going to do five nonsissy push-ups without collapsing. Start small, right? Let’s do this!